Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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