my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
