So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
