i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
