Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
