alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Mom said you looked used
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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