i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
