I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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