imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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