Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
