I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am midnight drunk by noon
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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