Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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