The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
