kristin has been a bad kristin
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
