He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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