please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize