Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
