This girl is more easily done than said...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
