We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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