Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
