I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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