yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
