Can i not drive my cunt home
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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