I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
