So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
