watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
