If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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