i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
