I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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