im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
