She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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