just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
