office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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