i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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