those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
