More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
