The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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