the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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