What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This is my gift to your gina
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
