so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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