ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
