To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
