My nipple is on Facebook.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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