There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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