I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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