My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
