first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
