you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
