Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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