Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
