happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
