did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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