There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
