I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
