just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
