Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
