Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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