I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I supernannyed him into submission
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
