____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
