I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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