There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize