Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
