i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
