its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
