New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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