I am puke
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She needs sedatives and a leash
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
