I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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