ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
