life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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