I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
