I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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