A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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