I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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