she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
