Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
