So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
3 2 1 whiskey
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
