its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This is my gift to your gina
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
