it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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