So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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