I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
