You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my shit smells like andre
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
