Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
