a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
