My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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